Pregnancies

So everyone I know is pregnant or just had a baby, and to tell you the truth it hurts. Every time I hear someone else is pregnant or they have their baby it reminds me that Ben and I can't have a baby right now. I fear we'll never be able to have children of our own and it scares me. I want nothing more than to be pregnant and have a baby on the way. The thing that hurts the most is when people say "well just have a baby" like its so easy, and we're not trying or want one. I think I would rather have someone just stab me than remind me that I can't have children of my own. So now every time I hold a new baby or hear someone is pregnant I cry, and honestly, I become very, very jealous. Then I hear people are pregnant, and they choose to get an abortion. That one kills me. I hate them a little because all they would have to do is say take my baby, and I would. I know a couple other families that would too, but they can't carry the baby for nine months..... It just blows my mind. So if I seem to hate you, I really don't. I'm just jealous because you are starting your family while I'm going to doctors and hoping that someday I'll be able to have my own little family.