Disappointment

So for those of you who don't know me and Ben can't have sex...... I have/had (I don't know anymore) endometriosis, and it makes it very painful for me. We went to the doctor back in October, and I had surgery. We were hoping this would fix everything. Well it didn't. Or it did and because of all of the trauma, I think it hurts when it really doesn't. Either way I'm disappointed. I was so excited that this might have fixed everything and we would finally be able to start our family, and it didn't. We're exactly where we were a year and 5 months ago only with a hospital bill. Everywhere I look everyone is getting pregnant or just had a baby, and I feel so much pressure from my family and friends and even myself to start having babies that I get really upset knowing that I can't. Ben's been great through all of this... if there is one person who hasn't pressured me through this its him. He's so patient and wants to make sure I'm ok before I have a baby inside of me. But even with him being such a great husband I still feel like no one understands and I'm all alone. Like this is some big lie to get out of sex or not have children or something. I hate feeling like it could be all in my head. It makes me feel crazy.Like this whole thing has me so upset and disappointed I've thought about going to see a counselor about it, and I HATE counselors. It just scares me to think that me and Ben will never be able to have children....and if we do it will have to be with fertility treatments and then there is the chance of multiples....and honestly multiples scare me. I think I could have twins and be ok but anything more than that I would go crazy. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me and how to fix it so we could start our family.....

Wisdom Teeth

So or those of you who don't know, I had my wisdom teeth out on February 3. I wasn't afraid except for the shots. I HATE shots. I actually told Ben that I want to have our children naturally so I don't have to get any shots.Anyways, the dentist office had squeezed us in and they said if they were easy they would pull them that day and if they were going to be more work they would pull them the next day. When we got to the dentist office I was freaking out about the shot so much they had to give me a Valium.  They took the panoramic x-ray, and put me in a chair. The dentist then looked at my teeth and he was like these are going to be a piece of cake, and he would pull them that day.They started me on the laughing gas, and after a little bit the dental assistant started to think she might have it up a little too much. I told her I don't care and to keep it where it was. The dentist then came in, and I was afraid they were going to kick Ben out. Luckily, since we know the dentist and he knows Ben wants to be an orthodontist he said that Ben was required to watch or to pick another career. I then put in some headphones and held Ben's hand and the dentist started numbing me up and gave me the shots. When he got done he told me to raise my hand if I felt any pain, and he would numb me up some more. He started pulling on my left side, and I could feel it, not a lot but just enough that it hurt. When he got the tooth at he looked at my face, and he knew I could feel it. I told him to just keep going because I don't want anymore shots. He finished up on the left and went to the right side. I could feel the right side really bad, and he stopped in the middle of one tooth to see if I wanted more shots. I told him I was good. He finished pulling them out, and then started talking to Ben about everything that had happened at that since they were so easy I would heal a lot faster. I only bled for about 2 hours and I only kept ice packs on for about 10 minutes on each side. The next day I had very little swelling no bruising and I could talk!!! :D I took advil because that took care of the pain! I am so happy they went so easy and there were no problems. And I'm glad Ben got to watch cuz he feels more comfortable about being able to do that now.