Disappointment

So for those of you who don't know me and Ben can't have sex...... I have/had (I don't know anymore) endometriosis, and it makes it very painful for me. We went to the doctor back in October, and I had surgery. We were hoping this would fix everything. Well it didn't. Or it did and because of all of the trauma, I think it hurts when it really doesn't. Either way I'm disappointed. I was so excited that this might have fixed everything and we would finally be able to start our family, and it didn't. We're exactly where we were a year and 5 months ago only with a hospital bill. Everywhere I look everyone is getting pregnant or just had a baby, and I feel so much pressure from my family and friends and even myself to start having babies that I get really upset knowing that I can't. Ben's been great through all of this... if there is one person who hasn't pressured me through this its him. He's so patient and wants to make sure I'm ok before I have a baby inside of me. But even with him being such a great husband I still feel like no one understands and I'm all alone. Like this is some big lie to get out of sex or not have children or something. I hate feeling like it could be all in my head. It makes me feel crazy.Like this whole thing has me so upset and disappointed I've thought about going to see a counselor about it, and I HATE counselors. It just scares me to think that me and Ben will never be able to have children....and if we do it will have to be with fertility treatments and then there is the chance of multiples....and honestly multiples scare me. I think I could have twins and be ok but anything more than that I would go crazy. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me and how to fix it so we could start our family.....